“But Job answered and said, Oh that my grief were thoroughly weighed, and my calamity laid in the balances together! For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea: therefore my words are swallowed up” (Job 6:1-3).

When those we know and love experience the death of a loved one, we often wonder, “What can I say? What should I do? How can I help?” Unfortunately, we usually don’t have the answer to these questions. We feel awkward, because we don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. Sometimes, we may even avoid the grieving person at the very time when he or she needs us the most.

Job experienced a catastrophic loss (Job 1), the likes of which few if any of us have ever experienced. His three friends “made an appointment together to come to mourn with him, and to comfort him” (Job 2:11). I’m sure they were sincere because they wept with him. They tore their clothes as a sign of great sorrow. They sat down with him on the ground and did not say a word for seven days, a period of mourning for the dead (Job 2:12-13; cf. Genesis 50:10; I Samuel 31:13). But even well-meaning friends can be hurtful and unkind at times.

The problem came when they opened their mouths and began to accuse Job of being a hypocrite and a secret sinner, supposing that his calamity was God’s judgment upon him. Notice what Job said about them in Job 16:2, “I have heard many such things: miserable comforters are ye all.” It’s sad but true; well-meaning people often cause more hurt than they help. Job’s “friends” took his words and used them against him. All they had to say was negative and hurtful. Job had this to say to them: “How long will ye vex my soul, and break me in pieces with words? These ten times have ye reproached me…” (Job 19:2-3a).

Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “the ministry of presence.” When someone is hurting, they need our presence more than our words. So don’t apologize for being silent or not knowing what to say. Chances are, there really isn’t anything you can say that will really help. A gentle touch, a reassuring hug, and your presence alone can speak volumes to the hurting. Be silent; be encouraging. Any words spoken should be compassionate and uplifting, such as:

If it’s you going through a time of grief and sorrow, there are several lessons to be learned from Job’s experience:

• In times of pain and sorrow, turn first to the Lord Jesus Christ in prayer and to the Scriptures for comfort, not to people. Family and friends may let you down, but our wonderful Savior never will. “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7).
• Trust in the Lord! Job said, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him” (Job 13:15). Job lost practically everything he had and still maintained his faith in God. Don’t abandon your faith in the hard times. Although difficulty is never a pleasant experience, be assured that God is too good to do wrong and too wise to make a mistake. He knows what He’s doing, and He uses even the sufferings of life to make us more like Jesus Christ. Job realized this when he said, “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10).
• Trials and tribulations are NOT necessarily a sign of God’s judgment! The disciples of our Lord obviously thought this when they questioned Jesus about the man who was born blind. “And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?” (John 9:2). Jesus told them it was not about personal sin, but an opportunity for God’s glory to be manifested.

Job’s three friends were wrong. God was not judging Job; He was simply testing Job. God loved Job and had a greater purpose than even Job realized. God loves you, too. He gave His Son for you and for me. Do you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior? If not, turn to Jesus Christ right now and confess your sins, asking for eternal life and forgiveness. Job is very blessed in Heaven today, and he is only there because God forgave his sins.